Coatracks and Cacti

Flower on top of the cactus: is it worth taking the irritating pricks and stings? Is it worth climbing up, worth slowly progressing? Is it worth the struggle to eventually make a grab at, snatch at, that beauty? This concept of trading pain for pleasure, or possibly something nobler, is a curious one. I am intrigued and hung up on it, like a coat stuck on its rack- pulling on it is awkward: attempt to take the coat too quickly, and you get both your jacket and the cumbersome wooden skeleton. Yet, if you just let it sit, its aesthetic is quite nice. Undisturbed, quiet, unnoticeable and in the background, waiting to be fiddled with, figured out. Waiting for someone to take the patience to solve its puzzle, and then sport it with pride, finesse and confidence.

I suppose one of the perks of being bull-headed and stubborn is that when I have a knack for something, or someone, my patience appears to evolve into this freak-showing of hard-headed persistence, complete with the stamina of a well-conditioned pace horse. Maybe one day I’ll have the confidence to compete with those whom I train alongside with. Perhaps next season, or the one after…

I always liked Sea Biscuit, but know I know why I do. It fits with my personality. Speaking of which, on the topic of personality, its hard to tell if my persistence- my method, my mythos- is admired & enjoyed or scoffed at & tossed aside. I always wonder if I should change this, or just shrug it off with the throwing up of my arms and the exclaiming of “Fuck It,” or something like that.

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